


What Love Feels Like

by BakaDoll



Series: Aftg Tumblr Prompts [8]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 18:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaDoll/pseuds/BakaDoll
Summary: Jean wants to know what love feels like and Jeremy always tries to answer his questions truthfully. This time, however, his answer might be more than words.





	What Love Feels Like

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fill from a prompt meme for a nonny on tumblr
> 
> 32 - “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

“Jeremy?”

Jeremy tore his eyes away from the novel he was reading to look at the person who was responsible for saying his name in the most charming way anyone possibly could. Jean’s french accent made everything sound so nice and melodic, Jeremy could listen to him talk all day. Shame Jean didn’t talk much.

“Yes, Jean?” He said with a smile.

Jean’s eyes darted to his hands that were fumbling with the hem of his shirt in his lap and stammered some aborted words. Jean only ever got this nervous when he wanted to ask something he thought was a stupid question, something he thought he _should_ know, but didn’t because he never learned about it, whatever ‘it’ was, in the nest.

Immediately, Jeremy put a bookmark between the pages and turned to face Jean, who was sitting on the bed on the opposite side of the room. He didn’t want Jean to feel like he was annoying Jeremy with his questions. Quite the opposite - he wanted to encourage him to ask anything that he wanted to know.

“What- uhm.” Jean didn’t dare to look up at Jeremy. Jeremy could make out the faintest blush on his sharp cheekbones. “What…does being in love feel like?”

For a second Jeremy lost control of his face. He hadn’t expected a question like this.

“Oh,” he said softly and put the book down next to himself, “That… That’s a hard one.”

“You don’t have to answer,” Jean said quickly, but Jeremy shook his head, his smile back on his lips.

“No, it’s fine, it’s just hard to answer because being in love feels different for everybody.”

Jean tilted his head questioningly and Jeremy smiled at him a bit brighter.

“For Sara it feels like wanting to carry Laila on her hands. Like telling stupid jokes just to hear Laila laugh.” Love was such an abstract concept that still felt so real and natural to a lot of people, including Jeremy, he never thought about how to explain it to someone.

“To Laila it feels like picking flowers that remind her of Sara’s hair and eyes. Sometimes it feels like wearing that one dress she wanted to throw out last summer already but didn’t, because Sara likes it so much on her. And sometimes it feels like crying in Sara’s arms until she feels better again.”

Jean considered Jeremy’s words. There were a couple moments of silence between them where Jean thought and Jeremy let him, and Jeremy almost thought this answer was enough, but then Jean hummed quietly and asked:

“And what does being in love feel like to _you_?”

Images filled Jeremy’s head immediately, and he really wished they wouldn’t. He thought of the way the sunshine got caught in Jean’s hair. He thought of the way his chest swelled with pride when the Trojans won a game with the help of Jean’s excellent skills as a backliner. He thought of words spoken in a language he didn’t understand, of grey eyes and pale skin, of scars he wanted to kiss better, of a smile so rare but so beautiful.

Jeremy’s smile turned sad.

“To me? Well… To me, being in love feels like watching from afar. It feels like yearning. It feels like wanting to see a person strive and become their best self but not knowing whether I’ll be part of that “best self”. But it also feels like… Still wanting only the best for that person, despite my own wants. Even if I won’t be part of their future I want them to live their best life.”

When Jeremy looked at Jean again - when did he lower his eyes to his own hands? - his heart stopped. Jean looked at him like he knew. Did he say too much? Had it been too obvious? Shouldn’t he have said anything, or made something up? But, no, he didn’t want to lie to Jean. Not when Jean mustered all that courage to ask questions he would’ve been punished for when he was still with the Ravens. He deserved the truth. Even if it made him realise _all_ the truth, even that part Jeremy had wanted to keep a secret.

“So…” Jean said slowly, “…Being in love doesn’t always feel….good?”

Oh.

He didn’t see through Jeremy’s words then.

Jeremy sighed quietly, then shook his head with a soft but wistful smile.

“No, not always. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s scary.”

Jean looked at his hands again. His shoulders and jaw tensed. He clenched and unclenched his fists. Worried, Jeremy frowned at him.

“Jean?” He asked softly, “Are you okay?”

“Jeremy…” Jean’s voice was almost a whisper and so, so full of hurt. Jeremy’s heart broke a little.

“I think I’m in love with you….and I’m terrified.”

Those words stole Jeremy’s breath. His heart skipped a beat or two. And then it hurt. It hurt so much when Jean looked up again and looked so torn, like he was fighting a silent war inside. Jeremy pressed a hand to his mouth and felt some tears burn behind his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away before they could find their way down his cheeks.

“ _Oh, Jean_ …”

Jean let his head drop between his shoulders, defeated.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“No. No, don’t be sorry,” Jeremy climbed off his bed and crossed the room until he could sink to his knees and sat down on his heels next to Jean’s bed. Jean blinked at him, surprised, confused.

Jeremy smiled at him in return. One hand, careful and slow, found its way to Jean’s cheek and he ran his thumb over his cheekbone. His voice was barely audible when he spoke up again, and yet it still sounded loud in the silence of the room.

“Let me try to take the fear away from you.”

Jean’s breath shuddered. His hand twitched.

“How?”

Jeremy’s hand wandered into Jean’s neck, his fingertips brushing along his hairline, and he pushed up until he was on his knees again. Jean jerked back when Jeremy came so close all of a sudden, but after one shaking breath he relaxed and leaned a bit back in.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeremy asked.

Jean’s breath stuttered and he opened his mouth, but no sound left his lips. He seemed almost shocked by the question. And, knowing Jean, he probably was. Knowing Jean, he thought Jeremy could never be in love with him, too. Knowing Jean, he thought _no one_ could ever be in love with him. Jeremy wanted nothing more than to make him realise how much he was worth.

Patiently, Jeremy stayed as he was and waited for Jean’s answer. It took him a while, but eventually, Jean nodded.

The kiss was gentle and merely a brush of their lips, but it sent shivers through Jeremy’s whole body. It felt like his first kiss all over again. It was exciting and new and so important. And he never wanted it to end. Still, Jeremy was the one to break their kiss after only a couple of seconds. He watched as Jean opened his eyes in wonder. Jeremy knew this wasn’t Jean’s first kiss. But he feared it was the first tender one.

“I’m in love with you, too, Jean,” he said against his lips, “And I’m scared, too. And that’s fine. Because together, we can make that fear go away.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to visit and support me on [my tumblr](http://fox-sleeping-minyard.tumblr.com/) and chat with me! ♥


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